In Limbo

So it’s been almost two weeks since the failed IVF and I have only corresponded with my IP’s via text messaging two days after the news.  I haven’t heard anything from them since that time.  I did send an email two days ago letting them know that I realize what a difficult and trying time this must be and also that I support whatever route they decide to take next, but I’m lost.  I have never been content in waiting and unknowing.  It’s difficult for me to function without knowing what’s coming next.  I, in no shape or form, want to rush them into making a decision, this is just how I feel and I need to get it out there because it’s causing me some stress and anxiety.   I kind of need to know which way my gears should be turning, you know? 

Anywho…Life is going okay…no major complaints..love my family...yada yada.  I did, however, have to cancel my much anticipated  30^th Birthday camping trip on June 11th due to snow and my unwillingness to subject my two year old to 3 days in freezing cold weather….and am looking for alternatives (suggestions please!)  I will be meeting with other members of the best gym ever - SKOGG Gym (https://www.facebook.com/#!/home.php?sk=group_44466204853) for an hour on my birthday, but other than that, as of now the day is open. 

As always, have a beautiful day!  Loves!

Pity Pity.

My headspace is cloudy and lonely.

I dream of this offering that I have been unable to give, and not for a lack of trying, because I did. 

I’m sad. 

I’m lost. 

I don’t know where this journey is headed…

but right now I am in a purgatory of solitude and unknowing. 

It’s cloudy…

The moisture gathers on my face and streaks my make up.

Sorry...The Blogger Was Down...BETA results: BFN

The embryo's didn't take.  Yesterday was very hard for me because I felt so sad for M & M.  I really thought that they were going to stick...Although, the negative beta didn't surprise me...after taking all of those negative HPT's, I had a feeling it would be negative as well. 

M & M are taking it harder this time around too...and they have only one more shot with the last little totsicle.  I don't know where we are going from here or if they will want me to try a third time.  I will let you know.

I do have to say thank you so much to my friend's for your support. I took it really hard and bawled like a baby at my work desk but your words and love really helped me more than you will know. You are all amazing.  I went over to my friend Jen's house and the kids played and Jason made dinner...it was nice to be there....so Thanks JEN!  :)  Then I went home and popped the cork on a bottle of red...

On another note, I will be turning the big 30 next month and I am finally going camping for my birthday!  I have the spot reserved at Clear Lake, OR (lot 9...right by the water!)  I'm so excited!  At this rate though, there might be snow!!!  Gotta take my long underwear!  :)  All are invited, you just have to get your own spot as ours is full! 

I think I might go sing some Karaoke tomorrow night at the Farm House.....get my mind off things..have some fun.  Yeah...I might just do that.

I hope all is well with you and that you have a beautiful day.....Thanks for reading this (random at times) blog of mine!  Loves <3
Then,

So SLLLOOOOWWW....BAH!

Hi W-loo!  I hope you are well!

2 more days until my blood test!  I will know for sure that I am pregnant and the sweet little Emby's decided to stick on Thursday afternoon and M & M will have one or two beautiful babies to hold in their arms!  The wait is driving me crazy..  Of course I have taken HPT's as I stated yesterday...but I refuse to take anymore.  I will let the real deciding factor (the BETA) tell me for sure.  Last cycle I had positive HPT's that faded and obviously a non-sticking embryo.....Honestly though, I feel pregnant....I mean it could be the injections, but I feel it more than physically....Here's to hoping and wishing and dreaming and praying! Loves!

Freaking 2WW!

Yes, I have been quiet since my transfer...but that is because there really hasn't been much going on....

I’ve peed on a dozen HPT’s (all BFN but it’s still EARLY )….

I am exhausted, nauseous, my girl’s (boobies) hurt, and I have had some twinges in my uterine area…..I really feel good about this transfer and I can’t wait, although I have to, for Thursday’s BETA (hcg blood level test).  I think I have peed about 10 times or more (no exaggeration) since this morning….Of course, these symptoms can all be attributed to the injections of Progesterone and Estrogen.  Please continue sending me those sticky vibes (in any manner you see fit!)  Loves! 

Smooth as a Baby's Bottom!

The transfer went so smooth...I'm not sure that there are enough O's to define how smooth it went!  :o)



This was me today, post acupuncture pre-transfer.....I felt so amazing and relaxed.



These are TWO little guys/gals that were transferred. The left one is the most promising as it was actively growing, but the one on the right was very slow, but still alive (I'm rooting for them both!)

Everything went without a hitch and I am home on bed rest! Can't wait to find out my first BETA results next Thursday and share the good news with you! & STICKY VIBES Please!?! Thanks you guys!

Today is the day!

So on day two of my vacation, I was up once again at 6:00 am....Damn you body clock! 

In other news, today is transfer day!  I will go into ORM at 12:30 pm for a round of acupuncture and then the transfer will be done.  We will find out for sure how many embryo's they will place in the oven at that time and I will update you later.  Then back to another round of acupuncture followed by 48 hours of bedrest.  ICK!  I'm not a fan of bedrest, especially when I have to deny my little ones of playtime or anything else, but I do have great support and help...THANK YOU ERIN M. & KRISTI W.  Oh!  and of course Jesse...

I may not get to the update as soon as I would like, only because they will have me take a valium pre-transfer....But I promise to update sooner than I did the last time!! 

Have a beautiful day and send me lots of sticky vibes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  LOVES!

Just Sitting Here...

It's so beautiful today, yet I'm here in my pj's.  Jocelyn hasn't been feeling well and is taking a nap and we have been lounging basically all day.  I think some fresh air will be good for her (and me), so I will take her to the park when she gets up.  I'm feeling awfully lazy though.  Ick!

The transfer is just two day's away and I am so excited!  My bum is so sore from the Progesterone shots, even more than the last transfer.  Oh well, it's worth it to help M & M complete their beautiful family!

OH!  I heard the best news today that one of my best friends is expecting a little one herself...I'm so excited!!!  It's her first...but I know she will appreciate the whole process of pregnancy because she's awesome like that and very in tune with her body.  YAY & CONGRATULATIONS love!!!!!  

Okay guys....I better get off here and go get dressed so we can go play at the park....

Have a beautiful day and loves!