Eh...

So...yeah...it's been more than a while since I have updated my blog and I am sorry to those of you who care.

My last cycle was a bust.  I went  through all the motions all the way up to the point where I was laying on the table ready for the transfer...The embryologist came in just as the Dr. said we were ready (legs up and everything) and told us that the embryo had died.  It was insanely sad.

This mixed with the fact that I was laid off in September, have an uncle (successfully) battling cancer, and missing my family during the holidays has kept me pretty quiet and hermit like.  I've been quite lonely as Jesse works nights and seems to sleep all day.  I know I have the girls, but adult conversation, for me, is needed.  I have been lucky to have two great friends who visit me on occasion and I thank God for them because they keep me sane! ;) Lack of money has kept me pretty tied to the house as it is, so going "out" hasn't really been in the cards, so the company is nice and I love them for it!

On the surrogacy front, I should know more soon.  My IP's are finding an embryo donor and plan on moving forward with me as their carrier.  I will update when I know more.

Love and blessings!

Blank.

No, of course the blog isn't blank...it might not say much, but it's not blank...That is all that came to my mind when thinking of a title.  :)

So, I started the bcp's today but I still haven't gotten a calendar.  I really want to express my frustrations with the new nurse working with us...but I won't...mainly because she is new....and it will just get me irritated and I need to be beyond that! 

Since she hasn't gotten my calendar ready, that I was supposed to have last week or the week before even, I have taken it upon myself to make an attempt at calculating the injection start date, the transfer date, and the due date....I may not be spot on, but I know I am pretty close.  I am guessing the injections will start around 8/13, the transfer will be around 10/18, and the due date should be around 7/3.  :)  Of course these are my guesses...I will let you know soon if I am right...on any account!  :)  LOVES!

OH! Please pray for my surro-sister Tiffany whose mother is in the hospital on a ventilator. Please pray that God guide the hands and minds of the doctors to heal her in the manner that He wills. Also please ask that God wrap his arms around Tiffany, her father, brother, family and friends and offer them peace and comfort in such a time. Amen.

Whoo Hoo! (Updated) (Updated again)

I will be starting birth control pills on the 31st!  (the witch showed up this morning..so I will probably be starting the birth control on Saturday!!!!) (Sticking with the original plan...starting on the 31st!) That's the initiation of the 3rd round! Prayers for a great and successful cycle are appreciated beyond comprehension! 

I really do stink at this blogging thing, and I am so sorry....However, my life has been a series of hills to climb then roll down in a child like fashion...and since the hills are generally small, they keep coming....and I keep climbing and rolling!  :) 

I will update more later, but it's a little past 8:00 am and I have to get to work!  Love and blessings in mass quantities! 

On the Road Again!

I received confirmation and a super sweet email last week from my IP's that we are going another round!  The details are still null, but at least the gears have started to move in some fashion.  :)

I am very excited to be able to give this another shot. Third times a charm, right?  I will just need all of your prayers and positive loving energy along the way, if you don't mind!  I love you lots!  Blessings and love!

Crystal

Uppitydate....

I’m not even going to begin this with my usual life got busy so I didn’t blog excuse.  I don’t have much to say in regards to the surrogacy process, as there have been no decisions made one way or another.  We are still at a standstill….I think more like ½ a block away from the crossroads than at them. 

In my life I’ve been dealing with a bought of depression.  With this failed IVF, the loneliness that has come with working separate shifts than Jesse, and the loss of a friend my guard was down and I allowed myself to be enveloped in deep sadness.  It’s been a long couple of months, but I am slowly but surely making my way through the murkiness and into the bright sunshine filled world that I am blessed to be a part of.  I’ve made two very amazing friends who have helped with the loneliness….Jen, one of my new best friends is by far one of the most compassionate people I have ever known and I am so blessed that she was introduced to me by the grace of God.  She has helped me more than anyone could ever know and I didn’t even ask for it, for that I am eternally grateful.  The other, Katie, is super amazing and I have known her for years, but we never had the chance to hang out…except when I would drop Sydney off at school……Now she lives down the road….She’s an amazing friend too…super sweet, an insane artist (seriously her art is that good), she’s a professional DJ (however not currently doing that work) and a teacher…and she is so easy to talk to. 

I also have been graced with the presence of my best friend Jasmine and my niece Sophia as they came into town for our friend Sheena's wedding (which was awesome!)....

So, I'm slowly coming out of my funk....slowly.....  I just know everything works out....it always does.  :)

My kids are doing great!  Here are a couple of pics… and my new siggy that I made for my allaboutsurrogacy.com profile.  J 

Hope this finds you well!!

I took all of the pictures (even the background of the siggy) myself!  :)  Edited the ones of the girls...yay!

And We Have Contact!

So, wouldn't it figure that after I posted my update in Limbo I would get an email from M!?!  I figured I would share the email that I got from her and then the one I sent back...Just for a little more insight.

FROM:  M

Hey Crystal.

I’m so sorry it’s taken so long to contact you. 

It’s been a busy time with DS' (took out their sons name; DS means Dear Son) 3^rd birthday, family visits, out-of-town travel and general life craziness.

Also, we just  haven’t known what to tell you.  We still don’t know quite what to do next, so everything is still in the air.  We hope to make some sort of decision soon, but as you can imagine, it’s just such a big and difficult thing to think about. With only one embryo left (and this one has been refrozen, unlike the others), our hopes aren’t high, and it’s a lot to go through to get all the way to transfer day only to be told that it didn’t survive the thaw, or doesn’t look viable.  So we’re feeling a little stuck.

That said, we will make some kind of decision soon-ish, and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can with that.

In the meantime, I hope you know – completely – that you did everything you could have to make these two transfers successful.  We know that we are just victims of the odds (about 50 %), and they just didn’t go our way. We hope that you aren’t blaming yourself in any way.  We certainly don’t have anything but great feelings about you.

Be well, and we’ll hope to be in touch soon.

M

FROM:  ME

Dear M,

It is SO good to hear from you guys!  I'm glad that you are doing okay! 

I agree with you 100% that you are in a very tough position right now, and although I can't fully understand from your level, I do know that any decision regarding the whole process shouldn't be rushed or even taken lightly.  I am glad that you emailed me though, it takes away the feeling of unknowing, which is a relief.  Not whether or not you will want to move forward, but that you are okay. 

Happy 3rd birthday to DS!  How exciting and what a fun fun age!  I am turning 10 x's that age on Saturday and am looking forward to making the most of this upcoming decade of my life!  :)  It's going to be wonderful! 

Have a beautiful day! 

Crystal

Thank you all for reading my blog and sharing this journey with me!  I appreciate you all!

OH!! And BIG News for me (more for my friends Allissa and Gilbert)...but I'm going to be a Godmother in December!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm so uber excited!  LOVES! Congrats guys!

Still in Limbo as I Count Down the Last 3 Days of my 20's!

Well, it's been over a month since the last transfer, and I haven't heard anything from M & M.  That is why I haven't given you an update until this point....I was waiting for some substantial news to tell you, which I unfortunately do not have. 

All is well with me otherwise and I have many blessings in my life, thank you God.  I'm a little lonely with Jesse's work schedule being opposite of mine, but my good friend Jen has been a great adage to my life and we have many visits each week.  I think we found our friendship at a time when we both needed someone and I am lucky to know her and her family.  My girls are doing great, Syd is about to graduate the 4th grade and Jocelyn is entering the terrible twos...and for a little one who thinks and says she's a princess, this can be maddening!  ;)  Our four legged kids are doing great too.  Ollie, my dog, is AMAZING and as smart as can be....although at 3 months, he is HUGE.  His paws are already bigger than Jesse's German Sheppard/ Siberian Husky Sasha's...and he eats 2 xs as much as her...3 times a day!  But, he's potty trained, knows sit, and shake.  We are still working on down and hush...he's a verbal little big guy!  I got him when he was 5 weeks old and he was so small.  Mom was a stray and she was a medium size mutt, so I expected him to be around the same size...but whatever his daddy was must have been huge!!!  He looks part Mastiff...but whatever he is....I'm in love!

I will be turning 30 this Saturday and plan on singing some karaoke with many of my good friends because the camp ground ended up being closed up until this weekend due to snow.  Thank you Oregon.  ;)  It's okay though, we have all summer to do some camping...and oh it will happen!

So, that's basically my update for you.  I am in a state of unknowing regarding the surrogacy.  If M & M decide to not move forward, I may try to find another couple to help...I already have it in my head that I am doing this....Why quit now?